By: Kevin Tyus Nov 2018
Love should not hurt
This article is for informational purposes only. Please get professional advice and treatment!
Domestic Violence Help for women:
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233
Domestic Violence Help for men:
(http://www.thehotline.org/2014/07/men-can-be-victims-of-abuse-too/)
US and Canada: Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233
How far should a married Christian woman go in being “in subjection” to her husband when there is abuse in a Christian marriage; such as he is mentally and physically abusing her?
Abuse
First: If you are experiencing abuse leave and get help! Remove yourself from that unsafe environment! Tell someone, POLICE, FILE A REPORT, family, friends, Pastor, co-worker, other Christians, whoever! BUT TELL SOMEONE! Don’t go back! Stay away! You can end up in the hospital seriously hurt or worse you can end up DEAD! Physical, Digital, Emotional or Financial abuse are NOT ok in a Christian or secular marriage period!
Let’s explore this further… now on to the article.
Christian Marriage & Abuse
Second: let me start by saying, MEN HAVE NO JUSTIFICATION FOR ABUSING THEIR WIFE! Any man who engages in this type of behavior needs to get help because he is not well! I say that he is not mentally well, based on Ephesians 4:28-29, if this is how he sees himself then he has a warped self-image and is in need of deliverance and counseling. Moreover any man who is a Christian and abuses his wife is: Out of the will of God!
The Bible Says
Ephesians 5:25-33 “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
You can see that the husband is to give himself to and for the wife as Christ gave himself for us. In other words seek the wife’s best interest at all times; abuse is not in her best interest!
They Are In the Flesh
Galatians 5:19-21 “Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.”
Before and After
Before we accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior we walked according to the workings of the “flesh” (or sinful nature). But when we were saved we started in the newness of life in Christ and put off the dark, sinful, works of the flesh! If a Christian man is walking in hatred, wrath, malice and strife, towards his wife then Bible-based, Christ-centered, counseling is in order so that he may recover himself from that destructive cycle, and be restored to the image of Christ !
It’s Sin
James 4:17 “Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.”
Well you may ask yourself how does this scripture fit in? It fits like this, if you read and understood numbers one and two above and agree that the scriptures are indeed the commandments of Christ and you don’t follow them, then you are in SIN, NO EXCUSES!!!
What’s Inside Shows up on the Outside
Colossians 3:8-10 “But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth. Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds; And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him:…”
I used the above verses from the book of Colossians because I have yet to see or hear of anyone getting abused and the abuser was blessing them, No! Abuse is usually accompanied by cursing, biting, hurtful words, and lies! The abuser if a Christian must see that they have and can be delivered from their bondage by the Word, Power, and Blood of Jesus Christ! As Christians we must submit to Christ and allow ourselves to be transformed by the renewing of their minds, through studying the Word of God, fasting, prayers, and counseling.
Now the “answer” to the question!
If it seems like I took a while to answer the question you’re right! The reason for the long road instead of the short cut is this. There are no clear-cut scriptural references one could refer to that plainly say “if the husband abuses the wife she doesn’t have to subject herself to that type of punishment!” So I had to gather a body of “scriptural evidence” to base my doctrinal position upon. I’ve tried to carefully do this without taking scripture out of context and making it say something that it’s not! There are many more references and examples in the bible that could have been used. I urge you readers to study and explore the Word to more fully develop what I’ve put together here. However keep reading…
If the Behavior Ain’t Fit… You Must Quit!
Colossians 3:18 “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.”
A Word from John Gill’s Exposition of The Entire Bible
… “as it is fit in the Lord; that is, Christ, as the Syriac version reads it. Subjection of wives to their own husbands is “fit” and proper in its own nature, by reason of the original creation of man, and of the woman from him: man was made first, and then the woman; and the woman was made out of the man, out of one of his ribs; and so, though not to be trampled under his feet, but to be by his side, and an help meet to him, yet not to be head, or to rule over him.”
Notice “as is fit in the Lord!” Excuse me, physical or mental abuse doesn’t meet the biblical test as “fit!” God did not call you to suffer for the cause of Christ in your marriage as a martyr! You may have built your marriage on love, but read the “blueprint” for marriage, the Bible; it will show you how to maintain it.
Not Abuse… It’s a Love Thing
Look at what St. John has to say about love:
I John 4:20-21 “If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.”
Where you see “brother” in the above verses substitute wife, the mind of God is clearly revealed, abuse is not the love of God!
Yes… I’d Like a Large Order of Love and Hold the Abuse
Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”
If your husband say’s “I love you,” and then abuses you, know this, the truth is not in him and he’s speaking a lie from the Father of Lies, Satan! We Christians are commanded to speak the truth to each other, our actions and words must match each other.
Husbands… Yes You!
For the husbands who are abusers notice that the Word says “love your wife” (not to be angry or bitter against them.) When you abuse your wife do you do it with the love of Christ in your heart or with peace of God ruling in your mind? No! All of the anger, wrath, hatred, and bitterness, inside pours down on your wife!
Bro Get Help!
You need help! Go talk to your pastor or marriage counselor but get the help you need!
Wrap Up
I John 5:2-3
2 By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments. 3 for this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.
Ladies Stop In The Name of Love
One last thing, ladies, my sisters listen up! If you are UNJUSTLY threating your husband, man, boyfriend, baby daddy, whoever with; verbal, emotional, economic, mental, legal, or parental rights termination STOP IT! That is ABUSE! Get professional help!
P.S. If your Pastor or anyone tells you to stay in that abusive situation because it’s not biblical to for you to leave… DO NOT LISTEN, LEAVE! Then find someone with “biblical” common sense to help you.
Nothing more to say! AMEN!!!
For more Information and help with domestic violence follow the external below
Help With Domestic Violence
https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/forms-abuse/domestic-violence
Domestic or intimate partner violence
https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence
What Is Economic Abuse?
https://ncadv.org/blog/posts/quick-guide-economic-and-financial-abuse
Financial Abuse
https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/forms-abuse/financial-abuse
Financial abuse
https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/financial-abuse