By: Kevin Tyus
This article is for informational purposes only. Please get professional advice and treatment!
Domestic Violence Help for women:
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233
Domestic Violence Help for men: 1-800-799-7233
US and Canada: Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline
(http://www.thehotline.org/2014/07/men-can-be-victims-of-abuse-too/)
God Directed, Family Connected
God, in both the Old and New Testaments, puts a premium on parents teaching their children to walk in the fear, awe, and respect of The Lord! God has directed parents as well as “older adults” to “diligently teach them” (CHILDREN) without fail, without wavering, in how we live, think, say and what we do in service and worship to our Great God.
Why? Because a family connected to each other in a lifestyle of; service, worship, thought, speech, doing, being, cannot go astray, cannot forget their spiritual or civic duties because the very foundation for living life is The Lord God Almighty.
So I want to talk about just three aspects of how our home life affects our walk and worship of God and the impact it has on our children, whether it’s a good or bad impact. Using a few scriptures I will talk about:
- Love the Home Environment (Deuteronomy 6:5-11)
- Training up Your Child in the Way They Should Go (Proverbs 22:6)
- Lifestyle by Teaching (Titus 2:3-5)
Love the Home Environment
Deuteronomy 6:5-7
5 And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. 6 And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: 7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sit in thine house, and when thou walk by the way, and when thou lie down, and when thou rise up.
Love God
Notice the very first command and duty of Gods people is to love God with all of their being! Why? Because God is love! His very nature, His very being is love. Out of His love, God created a (did you mean habitual or something pertaining to habitat?) habitual world full of wonder and beauty just for us. Towards us He shows great mercy, grace, kindness, forgiveness, forbearance, patience, tenderness, gentleness, meekness, restraint, kindness, humbleness and more.
God Provides
God provides mankind wisdom, knowledge and understanding so that we through God’s provision can furnish food, shelter, clothing, security for ourselves. Moreover, God provides mankind the ability to freely know Him and to enjoy His fellowship both individually and corporately. God gives a directive command to love Him but, God does not compel or force us to love! He allows us to freely choose to love or not, God allows us to become who or whatever we want to be.
A Heart Felt Thing
God’s people (Christians) are to lay up in their hearts (their inner-most selves) His goodness… it has to be a heart-felt thing. Why? Because from the heart comes either good or bad actions. In doing good we emulate God, we copy what He does in dealing with (us) mankind in our fallen state. So from a good heart we exercise mercy, grace, kindness, forgiveness, forbearance, patience, tenderness, gentleness, meekness, restraint, humbleness and more towards our fellow human being, this is pleasing to God.
A Spirit Fruit Thing
When a person gives their life to Christ, a natural-spiritual result of Jesus living in you is that you will produce a life that reflects Jesus living inside; this is what the bible calls fruit. The following passage defines what His life in us will/should produce.
Galatians 5:22-23
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 Meekness, temperance
So we see that a supernatural by-product of Jesus sending God the Holy Spirit to live on the inside of every believer is a life that is Christ like as we seek to walk, talk and live our lives as He did.
A Flesh (Natural) Thing
Conversely, from an evil heart void of any thoughts and desire to live for God we bring forth wrath, anger, hatred, malice, murder, bitterness, adulteries, immorality, lying, greed, cursing, evil desires and more, this is not pleasing to God. The bible calls this living in the flesh or a natural un-regenerated life. The following passage defines what a life outside of and not connected to Christ will, without fail, produce.
Galatians 5:19-21
19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, 21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like…
Romans 8:5-7
5 For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. 6 For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. 7 Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.
God Not Pleased
Romans 8:8
8 So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.
Pretty straight forward! Someone especially a Christian who is living their life apart from and separate from the life of Christ empowered and strengthened by God the Holy Spirit is not pleasing to God Almighty! ABUSE IN ANY FORM IS NOT PLEASING TO GOD!
Teaching the Good
From regenerated, God centered hearts, we are to teach our children/families about living for and serving God. We do this from a heart of gratitude and love, thanking God for all of His goodness and great love. We do this as a lifestyle integrating Gods commands, precepts, and principles into what we think, say and do. In doing this our children will see what we do, hear what we say, and watch how we live and emulate that! Why? So that we will have trained the next generation of godly people, this is teaching the good. How? Because we will have subjected ourselves to the good and right things of God and we know that children are prone to do what they see the adults do, and not necessarily what they say to do.
Teaching the Bad
Now if we subject ourselves to situations or anyone who is not following the commands, precepts, and principles of God, (like staying in an abusive situation,) then we and our children are heading for trouble. Our families and children will over time become void of any thoughts and desire to live for God, the Bible refers to this as living a fleshly/worldly life and this lifestyle will produce the fruits of; wrath, anger, hatred, malice, murder, bitterness, adulteries, immorality, lying, greed, cursing, and every evil desire.So by extension if you dish out or subject yourself to any kind of abuse, by your actions you are teaching your family & children it’s ok to either accept abuse or to be an abuser.
God Puts a Premium on Obeying and Teaching His Commandments
In Deuteronomy 6: 10-11 God Almighty promised the Jews His people with whom He made a covenant that if they kept His commandments, taught their children His laws and statues, and to walk in them they would receive the following blessings:
- Great and expensive cities (which they didn’t build)
- Houses full of all good things (which they didn’t buy)
- Wells dug (which they didn’t dig)
- Vineyards and olive trees (which they didn’t plant)
God also warned them not to forget Him and His love towards them after they had enjoyed the blessings of obedience.
“when thou shalt have eaten and be full; 12 Then beware lest thou forget the LORD, which brought thee forth out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage.”
We are prone to forget God once He gets us “over the hump” and blesses us! I hate to admit it but there were times in my past that I was guilty of this very thing, and God the Holy Spirit called me out on it and yes, I had to repent!
Teaching and Training up Your Child in the Way They Should Go
Proverbs 22:6
6. Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Children learn young; behaviors are ingrained into their young minds early and as they age, they start to develop and lock into the values and lifestyle from the stimuli they are exposed to in the home. When they get older they will be (for the most part) whatever the home environment imprinted on them. If you doubt this just get any old mirror, take a seat, and look into it and think about how who raised or influenced you, and you will see your parent, guardian or whoever took care of you looking back behind your eyes.
Great Parents
I was born and raised in Pittsburgh PA; I was the third oldest child of six. God blessed us to be born to two wonderful parents who loved and took care of us, my parents worked and worked hard! My mother was a nurse and my dad was an auto mechanic, gas station attendant, warehouse man, and held down other jobs, for a time he worked two jobs to make ends meet. We were poor, we lived in the projects, and with six children to clothe and feed it was tough on my parents, but they stayed the course.
Hard Work and a Dumb Dad
They taught us to be honest, responsible, the value of hard work, to cook, clean and sew, encouraged us to study, get a good education. More importantly they lived out the values they taught! But…as fate would have it I wanted to be the black-sheep of the family, and so it was! By age 16 I was always in trouble, terrible grades in school (school was boring), in fights, stealing, cutting class, skipping school, it’s a long list but you get the general idea. At age 17 I got into some serious trouble which I will not get into here (police were involved) my dad sat me down and said “if you lie you’ll steal, if you steal you’ll kill” along with some other choice words and I remember thinking to myself “that’s the stupidest thing he ever said, boy he’s dumb!”
Raised Right but Walked Wrong
After talking to me, he beat the brakes off me, he whooped me like tomorrow was going to be canceled in five minutes my punishment was well deserved, for what I had done. Knowing that my parents had raised me right, and that if I continued to hang out in the streets my life would take a turn down a path from which I’d probably not be able to return from. Instinctively, I knew that a life decision of doing right like my parents taught me or living the street life had to be made. Remember we are talking about “Teaching and Training up Your Child in the Way They Should Go.”
Low GPA but Encouraging Parents
Well I decided right there and then to join the Air Force, but my grades were not the best and quite frankly only my parents believed that I could pass the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery (ASVAB) test to enter the service. My dad was thinking Army due to my low GPA but my mom said whatever branch you want to enter just study you can do it. Well I passed the ASVAB the first time around and joined the Air Force, my chosen AFSC was 811×0 Security Police (now called Security Forces.) Off to Lackland Air Force Base, San Antonio Texas I went.
I Heard His Voice, I Cried!
After graduating from basic training, it was off to technical school for security police training, which happened to be right there at Lackland Air Force Base. Technical school was coming along fine and on one particular weekend; I and three of my classmates were walking from our dorm to the Base Exchange. One of my classmates had met a young lady and wanted to spend the weekend at her apartment but needed an off-base pass to do so, which he couldn’t get because of the rules they had in place back then. So he started to think of lies and asked us to help him lie so he could get a pass for the weekend. What happened next was the beginning of a change in my life that God had in store for me! In mid-stride my mouth opened and these words came out “if you lie you’ll steal, if you steal you’ll kill!”
Like a Statue
I froze like a statue still in mid-stride, my hands flew up and covered my mouth desperately trying to stop those words from coming out, it was too late, it was like trying to stop a projectile-vomiting baby by covering their mouth, it was no good, my eyes bigger than an all you can eat buffet plate, tears started to instantly well up in my enlarged eyes and roll down my cheeks, and my blood ran cold! I testify to you, I remember that feeling to this day! My classmates didn’t realize that I had stopped until they were about a half block away, one of them came back and ask was I ok and I just stared at him and mumbled “yeah I’ll catch up later.” I found a low cement wall and sat there four hours asking myself what just happened trying to make sense out of it, I WAS MY DAD’S CLONE! I took the long route by way of this story to tell you that Gods word doesn’t lie if you “Train up a child in the way they should go: and when he is (older), he will not depart from it.” So be careful what you are instilling in your children because one day they will become what you put in them!
Teaching by How You Live
Every Christian has a part to play in living a Godly family life! We do this through studying the Word of God, getting the understanding of the commands, precepts, and principles and applying them to ourselves and then teaching them to our families. It’s not your pastors or Sunday school teacher’s job, it’s yours! It doesn’t matter if you are older, younger, female or male. Let’s look at the roles and responsibilities Gods wants us to execute so that we have healthy and joyous relationships.
Titus 2:2
Older men are to be temperate, dignified, sensible, sound in faith, in love, in perseverance.
Older men READ!
Safe (sound) in mind that is self-controlled (moderate as to opinion or passion) discreet sober temperate. Of a sound mind, sane, in one’s senses, curbing one’s desires and impulses, self-controlled, temperate.
Titus 2:3-5
[3] Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, [4] so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, [5] to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
Older women READ!
You are to be a teacher of the right, teacher of good things. Your first duty and responsibility is to have your own house in order! Right behind that comes teaching the younger women how to keep their home in order. Why because the home and family is the very foundation of Gods plan for mankind, and of the kingdom of heaven.
Titus 2:6-8
[6] Likewise urge the young men to be sensible; [7] in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, [8] sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us.
Young men READ!
You are to be of sound mind, be in your right mind, to exercise self-control, to put a moderate estimate upon one’s self. Think of yourself soberly; curb your passions (STOP CHASING AFTER THEM YOUNG LADIES!)
1Timothy 2:8
Therefore I want the men in every place to pray, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and dissension.
All men READ!
Your hands are only to be lifted to praise God! Never to strike or threaten a woman or abuse a child! You are to never lift them in anger, with a temper or agitation, with an uncontrolled impulse, a desire to do any harm, or with violent emotion, but especially anger, wrath or indignation or to administer punishment while angry!
Colossians 3:19
Husbands love your wives and do not be embittered against them.
All husbands READ!
Husbands love your wives and do not be angry with them. You are commanded to love your wife! You are not to feel or be bitter, exasperated, angry, and indignant, to be embittered, irritated, visit with bitterness, to grieve or (deal bitterly with them.)
Ephesians 5:25-33
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, [26] so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, [27] that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
[28] So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; [29] for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, [30] because we are members of His body.
[31] For THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. [32] This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
[33] Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
All husbands READ!
You are commanded to love your wife exactly like Jesus loves us His church! Does Jesus scream and yell at you when you mess up? NO! Does He smack you around? NO! Does He call you out of your name? NO! Does He withhold any good thing from you? NO! He doesn’t belittle, embarrass, harass, scold, put-down, mentally, physically, financially, emotionally, abuse you? NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! Nor does Jesus does not spiritually manipulate you with His word to get you do what He wants you to! So if you are doing any of these things IN THE NAME OF JESUS STOP IT RIGHT NOW THIS MINUTE! GET THE HELP YOU NEED! CALL THE NUMBER OR CLICK THE LINK BELOW!
Domestic Violence Help for men: 1-800-799-7233
US and Canada: Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline
(http://www.thehotline.org/2014/07/men-can-be-victims-of-abuse-too/)
And if you are a woman with a man who is abusing you in any of the above ways GET THE HELP YOU NEED! CALL THE NUMBER OR CLICK THE LINK BELOW!
Domestic Violence Help for women:
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 (http://www.thehotline.org/)
Colossians 3:18
Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
All wives READ!
I’m going to make this really simple and plain! The above scripture means proper in the Lord! Look at how God says your husband/boo/boyfriend is to treat you (Ephesians 5:25-33 above) and if he doesn’t measure up and is abusing you or the children in any way GET HELP, GET OUT! FOR YOUR LIFE AND THE LIFE OF YOUR CHILDREN IF YOU HAVE THEM!
Colossians 3:20
[20] Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.
For the children READ!
You are to hear, that is to listen attentively to heed or conform to your parents of guardians proper command or authority, be obedient, submit to them. Just because they want you to come in at a decent hour is no reason to rebel and act a fool! And so what if everyone else is staying out late or going to wherever… that has nothing to do with your parents of guardians rules! If you chill and listen to them (they mean you good) God will bless you for doing so!
Colossians 3:21
[21] Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.
All fathers READ!
We are not to stimulate or provoke, stir up, excite, your children to anger. We are not to brow-beat them and put them down so that they rebel, loose heart and see themselves as a failure. We are not to neglect them, which means we need to spend quality, time with them so that we know how they process and think! That means talking to them with the phones on silent, no earbuds in the ears, not just watching a game or event together… it means TALKING heart-to-heart! Listen to THEM more than talking, enjoy the silence, if they don’t open up at first hug them, look them in the eye and tell your child that you love them! Give them the best of our time and attention, its better than that car, bike, pair of rollerblade, hover board, phone, computer or whatever it was that we gave them!
Yes it was a long post but I pray that someone in the body of Christ or even someone who hasn’t as of yet asked Jesus to forgive and cleanse their sins, and to be their Lord and Savior, finds article this helpful and useful. God bless you and reward your obedience to the truth of His word!
For more Information follow the external below
Domestic Violence
https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/forms-abuse/domestic-violence
Domestic or intimate partner violence
https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence
What Is Economic Abuse?
https://ncadv.org/blog/posts/quick-guide-economic-and-financial-abuse
Financial Abuse
https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/forms-abuse/financial-abuse
Financial abuse
https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/financial-abuse